Checking Out?

Just when you think it’s safe to go to work…
We got through University Graduation weekend just fine this year, so I was fully prepared for an uneventful monday following the big local happening this past weekend checking happy guests out of my hotel.  Boy, was I wrong!  Having just spent not one, but two glorious fun and sun filled days at the river 45 minutes away from home, I came in that monday blissfully unaware of the crap about to dumped in my lap.  Horrid guest #1 of the day was an physically intimidating, bass voiced man who declared that his room had no hot water that morning.  Considering that our hotel has two wings w/ two water heaters in each wing, we usually know when the hot water is out, due to the fact that 30 people would be complaining!  I calmly explained that as our hotel has been in exsitence for 20 years or so, some of the shower faucets may have hot and cold faucet markers backwards.  This can happen easily when maintenance comes in to fix plumbing problems. He then got gruff with me and barked, “Well you should do something about that!” and stalked away.  I should do something about that?  What, exactly would you have me do, sir?  Leave the front desk unattended to go and switch your faucet labels, leaving a line of angry cranky guests to stare at my “back in 5 minutes!” sign?  Should I call up Jose, our wonderful maintenance man on his day off and make him do it?  How about you have the common sense to check both sides of the faucet and wait for it… let the water get hot!  You are staying in a hotel w/ 30 rooms in one wing… for Pete’s sake, wait a couple minutes for the water to heat up!!!
Horrid guest #2 was a frighteningly blonde (I say this only because her hair made my eyes hurt), and obviously vain Southern Californian woman w/ her (less attractive) best friend or sister in tow.  After yelling at me because she also did not know how to check both sides of her faucet or wait for hot water, her friend then meekly tells me that she got the hot water on with no problems.  Fine.  So I give the neon blonde harpy a %10 discount, which I NEVER do (unless I make a mistake or something is horribly wrong w/ the room) just to shut her up and get her out of my lobby.  Then the woman proceeds to ask me a myriad of questions pertaining to the fact that we allow pets in our hotel.  She runs me left and right, and when I offer politely to give her a directory of every one of our hotels in the country, along w/ the pet and amenity information for each, she looks at her friend and says, “Oh, I don’t have a pet!” and begins to laugh very loudly and shrilly, like it’s the funniest thing in the world.  Seriously.  You have nothing better to do than harass me, the super nice and polite desk girl who just gave you a discount?  That’s a laugh riot.  It’s right up there w/ pulling the legs off a housefly or putting a puppy in an overturned laundry basket.  Tip: it’s not funny, it’s just downright mean.

One of my favorite blogs, Wide Lawns, Narrow Minds is going out of commission. In solidarity, I’ve decided to actually blog, rather than thinking about blogging and never posting. As I’ve said before, I work the front desk at a small hotel in Northern California. On a daily basis, I’m bombarded with requests and reservations, not a few of which are made by rude, ornery people who destroy what little faith I have in humanity, bit by bit. Here’s a taste of what we’re dealing with right now:

Ms. Desmond is a woman I had the displeasure of meeting before I worked at the Hotel, during last summer when I was employed at the Raging River RV Park, which is situated in the same complex as the Hotel. Her usual attire consists of a full length cloak with a hood, scarf, and huge black sunglasses, ala Sunset Boulevard. Keep in mind, we live in a small county in Northern California, where most folks wear bluejeans to attend a wedding! Every other day or so, Ms. Desmond would breeze into the RV Park office/ mini mart to pick up a bottle or two of wine. Now, I’m not throwing stones, cuz I love my wine just as much as the next chick, but let’s just say that some people should not be allowed to drink! Ms. Desmond, a bi-polar with a taste for self medication likes to indulge in pharmeceutical binges (I have no idea specifically what she takes) that usually result in her sleeping most of the day and prowling/cooking/yelling/freaking out at night. When I came to work at the Hotel, she had been staying there for the last year.

Who the hell lives in a hotel, you might ask? Tweakers and Freakers, that’s who. I fully believe Ms. Desmond to be of the tweaker variety, albeit a very glamourous tweaker. Recently, our new management decided that the hotel would no longer accept long term guests and in an effort to “clean up” our image and standing with the corporate higher ups, evict Ms. Desmond. Of course, she freaked out. I got a call from coworker Shane one saturday night… “Ms. Desmond is here in the lobby, threatening to kill herself! Should I call the cops?”. Eventually, she calmed down, took some Valium (or Xanax, or Nyquil, or insert favorite downer here) and went back to her room. Ever since then, we have been engaged in a battle of empty threats with her and her “legal representation”. I know for a fact that this woman has more money than she knows what to do with. What I don’t understand is why the hell she wants to make her home in a second rate, business class hotel, where no one likes her. Go figure.