Form Letter
Some days, I just don’t know what to think. Today, for instance, when a long standing guest who never, ever complains came up to the desk to tell me that the facilities are in decline and have never looked so bad. Yesterday, a long standing guest told me that she loved all the refurbishments we’ve done here. I can detail all the major problems with the Hotel. We have only one working ice machine, our refridgerators run a bit loudly, there are random plumbing issues to be dealt with daily, and our cable and wireless reception are known to be spotty. On the other hand, we have replaced all the bedding with new fluffy comforters, coverlets and pillows, added beautiful flowers to the front walk, and have a maintenance man who actually fixes stuff when it breaks.
I know it’s hard for people who have never worked in my town to understand, but there are exactly 9 hotels here. That’s right, nine. When you come to our town, your choices of lodging are very limited. You could choose to stay 10 miles south of us in our larger sister city, but most of the good hotels there are right on a major highway and can get noisy. Out of the hotels right in our tiny town, you can choose to stay at one of the $50 a night places (motor lodges with numbers in their name…) and sleep next door to the tweakers, or you could spend a little bit more and stay at the place with bedbugs (look it up… they’re real and they ain’t pretty). That leaves 5 hotels to choose from. I’ll detail the issues with each one:
1) The gorgeous Historical Hotel – downtown, right in the middle of everything, but close to $200 a night.
2)TradeWinds – Tres nasty. It’s the kind of place you go when you absolutely can’t get a room anywhere else. I once went to this place looking for a job and was left standing in the lobby for close to an hour.
3)The HJ (you know what chain I’m talking about) – Owned by crazy people. During your continental breakfast you get to view the crazy close up, with the added bonus of seeing the front desk clerk/breakfast attendant/maintenance man storm out yelling “This is crazy! I quit!”
4) West’s Best Hotel – One of 3 hotels in our town I would actually recommend! I’ve never actually stayed there, so I’m no expert, but they get good ratings.
5) The Comfy Inn – Our sister hotel (meaning we are in the same brand chain). I worked at this spot for one day as a housekeeper, but then got offered a desk job at the Hotel. Good service, clean rooms, at about the same rates we offer.
So there you go… out of nine hotels in this town, I would only recommend three. And when I have a morning like today, when all I hear are complaints, I want to send out this letter my boyfriend came up with the other day.
“Dear _______, thank you for your (letter/email/phone call/other) regarding your recent stay at The Hotel. We have reviewed your comments and have communicated your issues to our management. Big Things are now happening because of your comments. No, really. We have fired the entire cleaning staff, rebuilt an entire wing of our facility, and have sacrificed three small Punjabi children to Kali in the hopes of appeasing whatever terrible forces caused your (faucet to run cold/light switch to malfunction/wireless not to connect/other). Enclosed is a gift certificate for a free dinner for two to the Olive Garden. Please enjoy your dinner, and we hope to see you again. Yours truly, the Management.”
